​RuckPack: The Military-Grade Energy Drink

Time to dump out the coffee, people. The marines have officially one-upped the morning energy game. Enter RuckPack: the one-stop, single-source energy shot that’s absolutely riddled with vitamins, devoid of caffeine, and guaranteed to keep you alert and focused. Leave it to the Marines to find a baller solution to the very un-baller problem of fatigue/not being baller. 

Developed by a Special Ops team who was fed up with taking upwards of 20+ vitamins and pills per day to stay alert in friggin’ Afghanistan, RuckPack was created with the sole purpose of pure, unfiltered energy in an environment where it’s kiiiiiiinda important to stay awake.

Naturally, one has to wonder what the hell is in this stuff that keeps people so awake? It’s people! Wait, no, it’s vitamins. You've got vitamins B6 , B12, and Alpha GPC—which produces an immediate burst of short-term energy to get over that classic post-lunch lull you get when promoting freedom in Afghanistan.

There's also theobromine, which has a nearly-identical chemical makeup to caffeine and offers time-released energy that keeps you alert throughout the entire day, as opposed to a two-three hour period. And finally there’s Vitamin D3, which prevents muscular fatigue when taken over a long period of time. 

Regardless of its natural makeup, this stuff shouldn't be messed with unless you're planning on being productive well into the night. Don't take RuckPack under the guise of "well, I had a bagel for lunch and those make me sleepy"—people drink this stuff so as to avoid being blown up during an ill-timed cat-nap.

We suggest doing something big like writing a novel or finally finding out how many words rhyme with "cake." Bake, quake, shake, fake, make, lake, wow...this might take a while. Brb.

Jeremy Glass is the Vice editor for Supercompressor, but would much rather be a flag-carrying eagle.