How To Make Homemade Beer In Five Damn Minutes

It goes without saying that I love beer and I love America. Hell, I think the Colt 45 is the most patriotic drink on earth! So obviously I was excited to get my squirrelly little hands on a pack of Pat's Backcountry Beverages, a DIY beer kit that doesn't take an elaborate basement system and a few weeks. 

Go from zero to beer in five minutes anytime, anywhere.

Step 1

Hey! What's up, guys?!

Step 2

Lay out your sh*t! Brew concentrate, carbonating bottle, and activator packet. The concentrate contains citric acid and potassium bi-carbonate that gives birth to your sweet, sweet beer.

Step 3

Fill your bottle up with about an ounce of water. 

Step 4

Pump the lever in the cap six times. 

Step 5

Add your packet of beer concentrate. Don't be surprised if you see me drinking this stuff straight for another article—also, you probably shouldn't do that...

Step 6

Fill the bottle up with water up to the sixteen-ounce line. Feel free to look like a pensive child molester—it totally works for me.

Step 7

Add the contents of the activator packet into the little blue bottle and attach it to the cap. 

Step 8

Pump the lever six more times. Then revel in the brew you're about to create. 

Step 9

Shake your bottle for two minutes. Only shake side to side, not up and down. Shaking it up and down causes radiation poisoning...probably. 

Step 10

Don't stop shaking, god damn you! Shake like your life depended on it! 

Step 11

Once you've let your bottle rest for a minute, crack that f*cker open and pour it into a cup. 

Step 12

Or just drink it straight from the bottle. It actually tastes really good! My entire office loved it—and that's how we all got mono.


Jeremy Glass is the Vice editor for Supercompressor, but often moonlights as a little boy's grandfather in Long Island.