All photos: Home Depot

Posted on 3/5/14

If you've spent any time moseying around Home Depot then you know it's packed to the rafters with Weekend Warrior catnip. But if you've spent too much time there, then you'd know it's also packed with lots of really, really weird stuff that even a drunk Bob Vila would scoff at. Let's take a peek.

1. The Quest by Yosemite Home Decor - $43.20 
Know what really brings a room together? A solid piece of art. Know what makes a room look terrible? A piece of art that’s easily mistaken for a rotting wall full of black mold. Protip: Don't buy your wall art at Home Depot.
2. Remington TStudio Silk Ceramic Heat Clip Set - $44.99
Oh, hair curlers? Aisle 9, right next to the drywall and nail guns. Who is shopping for beauty supplies at a place that also sells sewage pipe by the yard?
3. 2-in-1 iPotty with Activity Seat - $22.49
Not only does this guarantee that your kid is a) going to make a serious mess all over your iPad and b) relieve himself whenever and wherever you plop him down in front of one, but you're trusting your potty training supplies to an outfit that specializes in mixing paint and is literally the least child safe store in town.
4. Viking Hot Line - $614
Besides the fact that there is absolutely no reason for anyone in this century to be using a pay phone let alone own one, let’s take a moment to recognize that they’re selling what is essentially an old corded touchtone for over $600. NOPE.
5. Filagree Flamingo Statue with Features - $32.99
Fancy flamingo lawn ornaments: for the neighbor-hating homeowner with money and no taste.
6. Fun Time Shape Com Multi Colored Area Rug - $69.97
This may have been a bold electronics store flooring choice, or at least an of-the-moment accent in say, 1998, but now it’s just sad. If you're looking for outdated carpeting why not hit up the Salvation Army, or a dumpster.
7. Kalorik Fun Brownie Maker - $34.99
Okay, it's hard to find fault with this one. Every store — no matter its specialty — should sell brownie makers. Brownies are awesome.
8. Oakley Tree Face - $29.96
"Popular with children and adults alike, Oakley is whimsical and just silly enough to remind you of your crazy uncle." You know, your dad's brother who would give you noogies a... OH MY GOD THEY TURNED HIM INTO A TREE.
9. Jollytime Popcorn Can Safe - $15.97
This may be the most conspicuous "secret" safe ever. Unless everything else in your house looks like it's from 1971, this will stick out like a sore thumb.
10. Cricut New Testament Cartridge - $45.99
Not really sure whereabouts in their demographic of contractors, design professionals, and DIYers fall the religious scrapbookers, but hey, if you're looking for tiny decals of Jesus and friends doing all sorts of crazy stuff, they got you covered.
11. Deco Breeze 7-inch Gecko Figurine Fan - $51
"Because of its good looks, this fan can be left out all year round" — which is nice, because GEICO's anniversary (BIG day) only comes around once every 12 months.
12. ZUO Front Jean Pillow - $110
Like with wall art, you're better off looking elsewhere. Also, why on earth would you want a close-up crotch-shot accent pillow anywhere in your home? ALSO also, it's $110.
13. Heavy Duty Transport Wheelchair with Swing-away Footrest - $310
This is like a hair salon selling hats. A "just in case you fall off the roof using our very competitively priced re-shingling kit" bonus offering.
14. 15-inch Jerky Gun - $21.97
Okay, so homemade Slim Jims are probably pretty great, but if you're shopping HD for edibles (save for brownies, of course), you're doing everything wrong.
15. Juicy Crittoure Pawfum - $23.99
Here's a thought: when your dog smells bad, give it a damn bath. No one wants Sparky smelling like a silk-shirted guido at the club. And frankly, this is a job for Petco anyway.

Joe McGauley is a senior editor for Supercompressor, and is all about More Saving and More Doing.

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